Connect More Deeply
I not too long ago gave a keynote speech entitled “Join More Deeply” on the Hope Global Discussion board in Atlanta, Georgia hosted by a non-profit known as Operation Hope. U.S Secretary of Treasury Jack Lew, Chelsea Clinton and Andrew Young, one in all Dr. Martin Luther King’s, Jr.’s lieutenants within the civil rights movement, have been a couple of of the esteemed audio system.
Though I’ve given over 1,000 speeches or workshops in my speaking profession, this speech was different. The visceral response caught me off guard. I had a lady literally apologize to me after my speech because she felt some of her colleagues have been disrespecting me because they weren’t totally listening to my message. I’ve attached my edited speech transcript right here. May it enable you join extra deeply with one particular person as we speak. You are not alone.
We all attend conferences for different reasons. Some of us come to listen to the headlining audio system. Others maybe want to get away for a number of days. Most of us, however, want to connect with someone you need to learn from, work with or work for. Tonight I’ll share three issues we will all do to connect more deeply with each other.
Earlier than I share these three issues, I first want to address the 2 predominant reasons why we do not connect more deeply. It is because we’re over-stimulated and hyper-related. The culprit, the explanation, the trigger is this magical machine referred to as a smartphone.
How many people have this morning routine
Before we may even step out of our bed and even open both eyes, we roll over to the side, decide up our smartphones and start checking our text messages, emails, tweets and Fb likes and comments. All all through our day, from once we go away our residence, to when we go to work, then lunch, then back to work, and at last again dwelling, we’re always checking our smartphones all throughout the day.
An Android app company named Locklet surveyed 150,000 users and located that the typical user checked their phone a hundred and ten occasions in the course of the day. Their high frequency customers, however, checked their phone 900 times. [Audible gasps from the audience.] If there are an average of sixteen waking hours which means these “high frequency users” checked their telephones almost 60 occasions per minute!
We are not social media beings; we are human beings. We’re not LinkedIn beings; we are human beings. And as much as Mark Zuckerberg needs us to be Facebook beings; we are human beings.
Human beings connect extra deeply by sharing stories with one another.
That’s the primary lesson I will share with you.
Lesson 1: Share Your Story
Learn how to share your story in a strong, passionate and poignant way. Maybe the most inspiring story of all time is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He left such an indelible mark on my life that I named my firm KGL after him and two other visionaries. KGL stands for King, Gandhi, and Bruce Lee. I hold their ideals up daily to remind myself of what to try toward with my clients, colleagues, and everybody I meet.
The rationale why his story is inspiring is as a result of we can see our own story in his life.
The first time I ever visited Atlanta was in April of 2000. I did not know at the time that Atlanta is where Dr. King was born. I had a chance to go to his home on Auburn Avenue, walked over to Ebenezer Baptist Church the place he was a pastor, and finally ended up at the King Center the place his tomb rests on top of a stone island in this lovely reflection pool.
As I stood there in front of Dr. King’s tomb, I read his epitaph, “Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929 – 1968 ‘Free ultimately. Free at last. Thank God Almighty I’m Free finally.'” I felt such a deep connection at that second because simply six weeks prior I had quit my day job at American Express where I labored at forty Wall Road. I had put my apartment up for sale and I used to be leaving my household and pals behind in New York Metropolis to maneuver to California the place like Dr. King, I too had a dream. I wanted to be a printed creator, speaker, entrepreneur and singer-songwriter. I had so much concern and doubt and insecurity. I used to be so afraid but, somehow, standing in entrance of Dr. King’s presence gave me such power, conviction and energy. I used to be decided to succeed.
On Could 6, 2000, I acquired on a aircraft and flew to San Francisco. Nine months later, I had finished and printed my first guide, a faculty success guide. A yr later, I moved right down to Los Angeles to be a singer-songwriter whereas concurrently constructing my business as a speaker and advisor.
Eight years later in 2008, I had an opportunity to return again to the South however this time to Tennessee. I knew that Dr. King met his physical demise in Memphis, Tennessee. So although I was in Nashville, Tennessee co-writing a tune, I decided to drive the 218 miles by myself to see The King. I wasn’t going to visit Elvis Presley’s Graceland, I was going to go to the Lorraine Motel the place Dr. King met his bodily demise and that i additionally needed to go to the Charles Mason Temple Church where Dr. King gave his final speech entitled “I have been to the Mountaintop” the day earlier than he handed away.
Once i arrived on the church at 2:30pm in the afternoon, the parking lot was not solely closed, but it surely was gated shut, with a series and pad lot, together with a safety guard sitting in her automobile inside the parking lot. I walked up to the gate and referred to as out to the security guard. “Hello, I am out of city and i just drove three hours to get here. Is this the church the place Dr. King gave his last speech earlier than he died ” The safety guard regarded confused and uncertain. So she took out her cellphone and referred to as somebody to ask. Moments later she stated, “Sorry, this is not the church.”
I could not believe her words. I’m nearly constructive I had researched the best church and since I had just driven 218 miles to see this church I was perplexed.
As I walked away from her, I determined to walk alongside the aspect of the church to the entrance entrance. At one point, I appeared up along with the church wall and seen a huge plague that learn, “This edifice is the positioning of the last deal with of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.”
I had discovered the best place. The safety guard just didn’t know.
In 2000, I had a dream and i stood at Dr. King’s tombstone not figuring out how my path would prove. Then by 2008, I used to be dwelling my dream after i visited Memphis, Tennessee and after i sat within the sanctuary on the Charles Mason Temple Church I had an opportunity to thank and connect with Dr. King again.
Now eight years later, 16 years after coming here for the primary time, I am right here speaking to you all. Goals are potential. Desires are real. You may stay your dreams.
The first lesson to attach extra deeply is to share your personal and professional story.
Lesson 2: Pay attention Extra Deeply
The second lesson I wish to share is about listening. The Chinese language have an exquisite language. The Chinese character for listen has 5 distinct components. On the left hand aspect, stone island khaki bomber jacket it’s the character for ears. However on the correct hand aspect, it is damaged up into four characters which individually mean “you”, “eyes”, “one”, and “coronary heart.” While you pay attention, you need to be focusing on one person and you are not just listening together with your ears. You’re additionally listening along with your eyes but most importantly together with your coronary heart.
Listen with your coronary heart.
Lesson 3: Find the most common Denominators
The last lesson I’ll share is about easy math. After we add two fractions collectively like 1/2 and 1/3 you can’t add them together until you find the most typical denominator. In this case, 6 is the most typical denominator. Once we find a standard denominator, we are able to add 1/2 and 1/3 collectively to equal 5/6.
Why will we as a folks focus on our differences and anticipate us to get alongside I just flew into Atlanta a couple of hours in the past after attending an event at the White House. Sitting subsequent to me during my flight was a lady named Carrell. If I focused on our differences there would be many: Carrell was white and I am Asian. Carrell is from the South and that i reside in California. Carrell is a girl and I am a man. Carrell is a retired psychologist and has been married three times. I’m still working and have by no means been married.
As an alternative of focusing on all these variations, we shared a lot in common. We both loved to journey, assist folks, and share stories. She spoke about her trip to Italy last year and I mentioned how I used to be flying to Atlanta to present a keynote speech. We had such a great dialog because despite the fact that we had so many seemingly outward variations, we chose to concentrate on our widespread denominators.
I need to finish with one ultimate story. When i attended the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting final year in New York, former President Bill Clinton had a closing plenary session the place he interviewed a NASA astronaut named Cady Coleman while simultaneously Skype calling two astronauts – one American and one Russian – on the Worldwide Area Station. When President Clinton requested Coleman about her experience in space, she simply stated, “In house, when you’re trying down there are not any plated international locations. It is one place and we’re all from there.”
To summarize, if you want to attach more deeply, concentrate on sharing your private story in a powerful and memorable way. Hear not simply together with your ears but along with your eyes and most importantly along with your coronary heart. And lastly, deal with finding the commonest denominators when you want to attach with somebody.
Lastly, please turn this off more [holding up my smartphone] all through the day.
Christopher Kai is founder and CEO of KGL, a strategic-consulting agency that helps c-stage executives and sales professionals with personal branding, disruptive marketing, and business growth methods. He’s a company speaker, consultant, and creator.